January 2012
1 post
December 2011
9 posts
Baby just kicked me so hard it woke me from a sound sleep and made me vomit simultaneously. This officially takes the first place on my list of “Pregnancy Issues That Should Be Vetoed”. Blecht.
Well, after all that turmoil friday night the poor dog ran away and got fucking run over. You feel so awful, and I feel awful that after 12 years, your last memories of your best friend are stained with what you knew was an over the top bad attitude. I feel bad for guilting you about him running off for the night before we got the call from the vet. Shit. He will be missed dearly. He was very much...
P.S. Needless to say, I decided to skip the sandwich. Now I’m sitting up in bed, hungry, nauseas, and grumpy. Yay for… oh, nevermind. I’ll find something to be cheery about in the morning. Right now I’m just going to fucking wallow. And hope the nausea fades soon enough I can put something in my belly and stop the peanut from shredding my insides as I deprive him of our...
Fuck. Seriously, just fuck.
*warning, if you’re squeemish just skip this…
Dogs both got sick tonight. Otis shit all over the basement earlier, you threw an epic tantrum cleaning it up and threw a bigger fit when I came to help. I finally head to bed rather than deal with you being an asshole to me over the dog being sick and my trying to be genuinely helpful. Tried to make the best...
I miss tall, cute shoes…
The husband comes to me with a sliver in his foot. I nearly have it with the crappy tweezers. I tell him to bring the REAL tweezers. He insists on giving it a go himself with the dull bastards first. Then brings me the other ones. He mangled the wound and buried the sliver. I tell him I’ll need a needle at this point if he still wants help, but that he’ll have to promise he’ll...
Just awoke from a dream that a gal in my office building needed help making a giant tower of jello blocks. Of course I was trying to oblige, but I had the hardest time locating an adequately sized cake pan to make said blocks, and my supervisor from work wouldn’t let me use his fridge. His HOME fridge. Like that was the only place in the world that I could chill the jello? My new coworker...
I keep having these incredibly difficult dreams in which you are unfaithful. I know that this is my sub-concious manifesting my insecurities about my pregnant body and I have read that this is a normal occurance. I understand how that all works, concern for my ability as a woman to keep your attention while I’m so hormonal and my body isn’t anything close to what you seem to prefer....
Our son has the hiccups. I hope they are this cute/entertaining after he is born. You seem to have decided on Alexander. I named Molly, so I keep saying that as long as you don’t pick something like Oedipus or Raindrop - I’m cool with letting you take the reigns on this baby name thing. I already loved the middle name, same as your grandpa’s, so the heritage bit is heartwarming...
November 2011
1 post
Well hello there tumblr journal, it has been too long. Being pregnant has been wonderful/fantastic, uncomfortable/etc and life has been a roller coaster of hormones and joy. I’ve finally gotten myself a new phone- as the old one was blocking every truly enjoyable application I used it for (thus no tumbling for MONTHS- but it is okay- I somehow remembered how to use pen and paper!)
Nesting...
October 2011
2 posts
I have had 90% of my tumblr experience from my phone (which I have mentioned before) and my phone was not cooperative for tumbling over the last several weeks. I have very much missed reading blogs. I am at a training for work this week and able to use the laptop, so this is exciting. Training in itself - not exciting.
Now 29 weeks pregnant. For normal people that’s about 7 months… I...
So, this baby making business is all fun and games til someone gets kicked. Then it is mostly fun and games with a little, “ooo, that’s uncomfortable” and a lot of indigestion and fear for continence. I think back to just a few short months ago when I was drinking pretty heavily (again) and I wonder, “who in the HELL chooses to keep such weird hours and knowingly imbibes ...
September 2011
3 posts
Listening to the rain falling. It taps gently at the windows and rolls, whispering from the roof. For the appearance of tumultous weather to be contradicted by these calming sounds is an irony not lost on me.
I keep trying to imagine myself saying something more about the weather or something vague and pleasant, but really- I’m thinking of you. I wonder where you are and hope you’re...
I think we’ve reached the point in the pregnancy where my husband wants the lights off for intimacy. I am starting to grasp that trendy three letter ditty that goes “FML”. Not that I can say I blame him, but isn’t there supposed to be some magical, manly urge that makes a woman pregnant with your offspring more appealing to you? Gah. Dream. On. Get used to sex in the dark...
It is hard to support you and be here for you when it seems like you are pulling further away again everyday. I am not okay with lying awake and wondering when you’ll feel like coming home. I know today was a tough day, but I’ve been trying to make sure that home is a nice place to be…hasn’t it been? You need to remember that I’m dealing with enough serious and...
August 2011
9 posts
If I ever decided to live a life of crime- I’d sure try my best to not get caught. The neighbors apparently lack a sense of self preservation. Not only are they slinging at least three kinds of illegal drugs from their home, but they OPEN their windows when they smoke pot in the evenings… in a neighborhood where you can LITERALLY reach out your window and touch the neighbor’s...
I’m thinking that if the word STUPID were in a more thorough dictionary, one of the more applicable definitions would say: man who argues with pregnant lady.
Really? Yes, he does. Not too bright.
I’m sure not getting any nicer after you’ve pissed me off sunshine. Digging your hole deeper and saying ignorant shit to exacerbate the situation is NOT HELPING YOUR CASE.
CREATION. NOT CURATION.: OPINION VS. HATE →
bobbyhundreds:
Opinions are like assholes. But haters ARE assholes.
There’s a difference between OPINION and HATE, and I think it’s time we drew the difference.
Tonight, an erudite and composed (yet justifiably irate) thehundreds.com reader tweeted me, calling me out for what he considered was an ignorant…
I’m taking a bath, then I’m taking an ambien.
Relax.
Goodnight moon.
Today is 105 days without a cigarette.
108 days sober.
Not that I’m counting days…
I genuinely try not to think of it. Entire weeks have passed without the counting, but when it comes to mind, I can figure the numbers with surprising ease.
I worry I may start smoking again after the pregnancy. Most of the time, cigarettes smell gross, and when I dream of smoking I wake up with an...
Quit drinking. Taking anti depressants, anti anxiety meds, and sleeping pills. Level out. Calm my ass down enough to start remembering who I was before all the layers of pretension wrapped around me so tight. I built that. I created a version of me that may be my own greatest foe. Unending. Viscious, but delicious cycles of unexpected highs and lows, punctuated with great MIND blowing sexual...
IT IS A BIG DEAL TO ME. Swallow your arrogant pride and apologize! You are absolutely stupid when it comes to sensitivity, add pregnancy hormones to the mix and you don’t even register an emotional IQ. Get. A. Clue.
And don’t ask me, “well what do you want me to say?” and then roll your eyes when I ask for you to say sorry. You blew me off and then used me-being-upset-about-it as an excuse to...
I remember my first and only AA meeting. The gal up front who’d made the coffee looked around and opened with something along the lines of “welcome, we’re all here for the same reason- when we drink, we can’t have just one; one just isn’t an option.”
I’ll never forget that sentiment.
You’re a drunk.
And I would know.
Could you slur some more...
It’s not really okay with me. I’m really offended actually. First, you were going to help our friend RIGHT after work so I rush over to get our daughter, and yes I mean rush (I didn’t get off til ten after 5) when it is YOUR responsibility during the summertime. You didn’t say anything about not getting ahold of our friend earlier or going out while you waited. You said you would go home to let...
July 2011
13 posts
Remember that one God-awful year that we spent constantly on the brink of divorce before we let things really hit the fan? The year I sobered my dumb ass up, you drank more, we went on our first family vacation, and we got pregnant. That was a crazy year. Those were hard times. They made the good times seem even better afterwards…
I look forward to this sentiment hitting home.
I really do....
I feel like a cow today. Not as in a rude way to comment about my size… I just feel like I eat constantly. I guess I feel like I’m taking up more space in general too even though the numbers on the scale haven’t changed. I am not as tired/ lethargic as I was there for a few weeks, and I haven’t been nearly as sick, so there are some things to be happy about. Now I want to...
Sadie Central: A letter from an irate mother... →
sadiesmom:
Dear Sadie,
When you are old enough to drink responsibly, it can be fun to have a few drinks and let loose. But, only when you can truly understand that there are consequences to your actions.
This morning (at 6:45 a.m.), you and I were on our way to daycare. We were inches away from being hit…
It is impossible to tell exactly how many times a day I remind myself: love is patient, love is kind. I know it is often… I am so torn between being a good wife and sticking it out through what might well end up being a duration of “for worse” on the way to “for better” versus getting the hell out from under the painful wreck. I feel alone. All the time. This is...
Just so we’re clear- you are really stinking at following through with the supportive portion of this relationship right now. Random thought to share…
“I may sound old-fashioned, but I want to think all women should be treated like...”
– Frank Sinatra (via youareallstardust)
“Open your mouth only if what you are going to say is more beautiful than...”
– A r a b i c P r o v e r b (via faaackinglegit)
I’ve been home alone for an hour. You should be home by now. I ran to check the mail so we should have gotten home about the same time. I try not to worry. I try not to let the anxiety creep in. I know you don’t answer to me. I know you will do what you want and not call- to prove that you don’t answer to me. But I wonder how considerate it is to take the vows and not even be...
“I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around...”
– John Green (via naturae)
I keep having these cold, hard truth moments; Moments when I think, “well this is real I guess, and I’d better just suck it up and move on”. I keep having these second thought-self doubts, thoughts that break away my sanity like the ledge afore the abyss being chiseled. How can I be me, how will we be a family if you and I aren’t together? How will we raise our children?...
Yes. I can totally see that you’re tired, and getting grumpy, and hot, and uncomfortable. I guess I just don’t care enough about YOU feeling like that. I’ll have the market cornered on discomfort and grump (and loads of other things) for the next 8 months in this house. Period. Tough stuff. You’ll need to sit on your pity pot somewhere else, because there’s just not a...
“When you thought you’d be baking pie and living behind your very own white...”
– It’s Not Going To Turn Out The Way You Thought It Would. Click through to read the full post.
Trust me… Mind-blowing. (via Onherway)
The line that really got me was this: “You’ll end up going to a different school because the one you thought you’d get into didn’t work out.”
I didn’t get into my...
June 2011
18 posts
I think whoever gave the neighbor kid a whisle ought to have his fingernails removed with pliers. This kid hasn’t breathed without the damned thing in almost an hour…
“I know many people are concerned about the destruction of the sanctity of...”
– NY Senator Diane Savino (via lady88)
It is hard for me to imagine our last straw would be some bull shit, over dramatic arguement where you put words in my mouth and I stay calm for once and tell you you’re making a mistake. Its hard for me to believe the culmination of our relationship being your driving off with a finger in the air because I dared to ask if you could hear yourself and then had the audacity to ask you if you...
I can’t even fucking breathe.
You come home tipsy, lying, and rude. I tell you that you need to go. You tell me I’m fucked. Swell. Sometimes I can’t believe I’ve put up with your shit this long.
One day soon you’re going to realize what you did. You will realize how much fault was yours. You’ll feel like the ass you’ve been. And I won’t be asking for (or accepting) apologies anymore.
I miss you.
Why can’t we be like before?
This is gonna be some serious, personal, real life blogging. Consider yourself warned.
Been going to therapy with the husband for the purpose of pulling our heads out of our assses and avoiding divorce. Seemed like the best, last-ditch effort in light of the facts:
We love eachother very much.
We have a seven year old that is just as much daddy’s little gearhead as she’s...
in the fade: an email i just wrote. →
inthefade:
Stop telling me “it is what it is.” Stop it. Because it’s not what it is. It’s what you are making - or not making - of it. “It is what it is” means you have given up trying to fix the situation, that you are ok with the status quo, that you have no intention of making it better and you’ll…
holy shit, I needed to read this.
I was talking to my dad about my marriage and he makes the comment that his current marriage is going on 26 years and how its not always easy but there is a lot of love and a very strong bond to survive the years. My voice went up about three octaves and I started shouting emotionally (it happens, I AM pregnant) something to the effect of:
I am well aware! I am in the cockpit of a plane that’s...