april

I keep having these cold, hard truth moments; Moments when I think, “well this is real I guess, and I’d better just suck it up and move on”. I keep having these second thought-self doubts, thoughts that break away my sanity like the ledge afore the abyss being chiseled. How can I be me, how will we be a family if you and I aren’t together? How will we raise our children? Will Molly ever have a healthy relationship of her own? Can you make it financially on your own? Who am I supposed to grow old with? Can’t I just stop being so “needy” and find contentment with the way things are? On and on, unending streams of questions. Today is a hard day. Today I am wondering why I’m still here. Why I’m still asking. Why can’t I break out of this cycle? You aren’t pulling your head out of your ass. You bought a new truck. We have a baby on the way and you bought yourself a new damned truck. Seriously? And that isn’t even a full, fair representation of how low on your list of priorities me/our family is for you. Stop questioning april. Suck it up. Stop settling. The michael you married wouldn’t have ever encouraged you to stay in such a painful relationship. He isn’t that guy anymore. Acccept it. Start writing about your NEW life already. Go out and LIVE a new life.